Trim It For Me (Christmas Balls Remix)

[Intro – whispered]
Mmm baby…
It’s that special time of year…
The lights are twinklin’…
The fire is cracklin’…
And your balls…
Well… they’re fuckin’ tragic.
Come here, hairy boy…

[Verse 1]
It’s Christmas time, I’m feelin’ fine,
Got mistletoe and wine…
But when you dropped your trousers, babe,
I damn near went blind.
Them fluffy little snowballs,
They look like Santa’s beard—
I love you, yeah I really do,
But Jesus Christ they need sheared!

[Pre-Chorus]
I ain’t askin’ for diamonds,
I ain’t askin’ for gold…
Just get them jingle berries tidy
Before they turn two years old.
Babe, it’s Christmas magic,
Let’s keep it slick, not tragic…

[Chorus]
🎵 Shave your bollocks, baby…
It’s Christmas, you hairy bastard…
Trim ’em smooth like brandy butter,
So tonight can go much faster.
Shave your bollocks, darling…
Make ’em shiny, soft, and neat…
Cos nothing says “I love you”
Like freshly groomed festive meat. 🎵

[Verse 2]
Let’s get the clippers hummin’,
Let’s get your legs spread wide—
I’ll even help you hold ’em up,
I’m a generous Christmas bride.
Don’t need no angels singing,
Don’t need no sleigh bells ringin’,
Just wanna see them wrinkly lads
Not look like they’ve been swingin’.

[Bridge – spoken R-Kelly style]
Baby…
Come to the bathroom…
Let me light a candle…
Let me get that moisturiser…
Let me baby-oil that turkey crown…
Mmm yes… that’s it…
Lift ‘em… LIFT ‘EM…
Yeahhh that’s what Christmas is all about…

[Chorus Repeat]
🎵 Shave your bollocks, baby…
It’s Christmas, you hairy bastard…
Don’t let Santa see that forest,
Cos he’ll think it’s fuckin’ plastered.
Shave your bollocks, darling…
Give ‘em that festive glow…
Then meet me under the mistletoe—
I’ve got somewhere else to go. 🎵

[Outro]
Happy Christmas, you filthy animal…
Now get in the shower…
We’re makin’ memories tonight…