Fabulous Crimbo (Magic Unicorn Mix)

R-Kelly–style, but funnier, filthier & fabulously British

[VERSE 1]
Baby, it’s Christmas, and you’re glitter in the air,
You walk in the room and I swear I smell pure sex appeal everywhere.
You’re my sparkly little unicorn, prancin’ in that dress,
And every time you wink at me, my heart — and other bits — say yes.

[PRE-CHORUS]
You don’t need no mistletoe to get my bells to ring,
One look from you and I’m ready to do every filthy thing…

[CHORUS]
So have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo, babe,
Let’s drink too much and misbehave,
Dance ‘round the tree like two horny elves,
‘Cause we only wrap presents if we’re unwrappin’ ourselves.
Ohh darling, tonight’s your night —
You’re my unicorn glowin’ so damn bright,
Yeah, have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo,
I’m ridin’ your magic sleigh tonight…

[VERSE 2]
You shake your hips like tinsel, shining everywhere,
And the way you lick that candy cane? Jesus Christ — I need fresh air.
You make Christmas feel like fireworks, poppin’ in my chest,
And if Santa saw the things you do… he’d put you on the naughty list next.

[PRE-CHORUS]
Snow’s fallin’, lights glowin’, but nothing shines like you,
I swear your laugh alone could melt a frozen cock or two…

[CHORUS]
So have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo, babe,
Let’s drink too much and misbehave,
Dance ‘round the tree like two horny elves,
‘Cause we only wrap presents if we’re unwrappin’ ourselves.
Ohh darling, tonight’s your night —
You’re my unicorn glowin’ so damn bright,
Yeah, have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo,
I’m ridin’ your magic sleigh tonight…

[BRIDGE – SLOW, SEXY, ABSURD]
Come on baby, hop up on my lap,
Let’s talk about all the ways you wanna unwrap…
You sprinkle Christmas magic like glitter on my skin,
And every “ho ho ho” you whisper pulls me right in…

[FINAL CHORUS – BIG & RIDICULOUSLY SEXY]
Have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo, babe,
Let’s make memories we’ll never save,
Naughty photos, mince pies, mulled wine sin —
Let’s start Christmas night… with a grin and a grind again.
Ohh darling, tonight’s your night,
You make even the angels blush outright,
Yeah, have a fuckin’ fabulous Crimbo,
My sparkly unicorn delight.