All That Bollocks (Christmas Love Song for Hubby)

Mmm-hmm…
Yeah baby…
Christmas time…
And I’m lookin’ at you…
And all that bollocks you bring into my life…
Literally.

[Verse 1]
You walk in the room, with your jingle bells swingin’,
I’m laughin’ so hard, but damn I’m still grinnin’.
You’re my man, my love, my festive delight,
Even when your balls look like they’ve had a rough night.

Baby, you know you’re special, no one else compares,
Even if your nuts hang lower than Santa’s reindeer’s.
But that’s alright — I love you just the same,
Cos you bring joy to my Christmas… and to my endgame.

[Pre-Chorus]
Ooooh babe, you know what I say…
It ain’t Christmas without a bit of cliché…
But with you?
It’s jokes, love, passion and play…

[Chorus]
🎵 Merry Christmas to my hubby,
And all that bollocks you do!
Yeah your balls ain’t the prettiest,
But baby they belong to you!
So come kiss me under the mistletoe,
Let’s make the season rude,
Cos no one jingles my bells like you,
In that filthy Christmas mood. 🎵

[Verse 2]
Now baby, I know you’re cheeky, always crackin’ a line,
And somehow your bollocks turn up in jokes of mine.
But that’s our love — messy, silly, wild and true,
I wouldn’t trade a single hairy part of you.

So grab the mulled wine, let’s get properly merry,
Cos tonight, baby, YOU’RE my Christmas fairy.
Forget the presents — unwrap ME instead,
And bring those festive balls to bed.

[Chorus]
🎵 Merry Christmas to my hubby,
And all that bollocks you do!
You’re the only man I’m lovin’,
Even when you’re crude.
Yeah you’re daft, you’re mad, you’re perfect,
My whole world wrapped in two…
So here’s a big warm Christmas kiss
For all that bollocks — and you. 🎵

[Outro – slow, deep R-Kelly whisper]
Mmm…
Come ‘ere babe…
Let’s make this Christmas
a full-on load of bollocks…
Just the way we like it.
Merry Christmas, my sexy idiot.